


Going Through The Unimaginable

by oncetherelivedaboy



Series: Hamilton Modern High School/College AU (The Evil One, Where Emotions Happen) [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Trans! Aaron Burr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-08 03:13:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5481203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oncetherelivedaboy/pseuds/oncetherelivedaboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The revolutionary crew all play on the high school soccer team. Hamilton needs a scholarship for college. Too bad for him, nothing is ever that simple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

     Alexander is rolling the white socks up, over his shin guards. The smell of high school boys fills the bus as they make their way to the first game of the season. Laurens next to him, standing up to yell over the seat at Lafayette and Mulligan. Coach Washington had passed out paper bags to the team, each with a hastily made sandwich, granola bar, and an apple in it. Hamilton had wolfed his down in seconds but Laurens’ sat untouched in the small space between them. Laurens didn’t like to eat before games, because his nerves were already on the breaking point.

“Laurens, you need to eat before the game or you won’t be able to play.” He waved him away as he continued to shout obscenities about horses in Mulligan’s general direction. “Laurens, either eat or I’m not gonna play you.” Laurens grinned at Hamilton’s confidence and grabbed an apple out of the bag, taking a large bite.

“Happy?” He said around a mouthful of fruit as he dropped back into the seat.

“Yes, thank you.” 

“So you think Washington’s gonna make you captain?”

“He has to, I’ve spent all summer practicing and conditioning. He’s a fool if he doesn’t.” Burr turns around in his seat.

“We both know he’s gonna pick Charles.”

“Lee is a joke, he hasn’t touched a soccer ball since last season, have you seen his handling? It’s a mess.”

“His parents have put quite a lot of money into the soccer program though, these are new uniforms.” Burr pinches the fabric to emphasize his point, revealing a section of his blue sports bra. 

“Um, your..” Alexander points at the strip of fabric at his shoulder and Burr quickly tucks the bit of jersey under the strap so that it was no longer showing. 

“Thanks.”

“Good to see you aren’t wearing your binder to matches, it’d constrict..”

“Yes, I know Alexander.” Burr and Alexander lived together, both orphaned at a young age and put into foster care, Burr had been living with the family they were both with since his 7th grade year and Alexander had been taken in by them his Freshman year. Resenting each other for the first few months until they finally accepted to living with the other and once that happened they realized they were very similar and became friends. Now they bickered like brothers and threw the occasional harmless blow, but at the end of the day if someone hurt one they’d have the wrath of both to face. Their foster parents were absent, hardly ever home from business trips that neither of them really  knew anything about. 

The bus came to a stop and Laurens took a few more rushed bites of the apple before dropping the core into the paper bag. Washington stood up, taking a deep breath and smoothing his jacket. He always dressed professionally, whether he was teaching english during the school day, at games or during practice. 

“Well, boys we have quite the game ahead of us. First of the season, play well.” Ever the man of few words, Von Steuben muttered something and he stood ramrod straight again. “Yes, of course. I nearly forgot, every goal they score on us will be additional conditioning after practice tomorrow. Understood?” Some of the Freshman nodded but the upperclassmen yelled “Understood.” in response. Washington turned around and started down the steps.

“Sir!” Hamilton shouted from the back and he stopped abruptly, his head bobbing over the first row of seats. 

“Yes, Hamilton.”

“You haven’t told us the team captain.”

“After you all get warmed up I will inform you of my final decision for team captain.”

“You got this Alex.” Laurens said bumping their shoulders and his freckled face beamed down at him. 

They had roughly 30 minutes until the game started since they arrived and they spent the first 20 minutes warming up, stretching, a basic workout and 2 laps around the field. Hamilton at the head of the pack with Laurens, Lafayette and Mulligan right behind him. Burr tended to fall in the middle during runs, to conserve energy for the actual game. Lee fell in with the freshman during the jog. When they returned back to their bench Washington ordered them to take a knee, and started listing the starters. Mulligan pulled on his goal keepers jersey and gloves. Hamilton only listened for the names of his friends, and Lee. Burr and Laurens were on defense, Lafayette was playing left mid, Hamilton in center midfield and Lee as forward. Alexander held his breath as Washington finished. The moments between his words felt like they lasted an eternity.

“Eager as you all seem to be I must inform you that your team captain will be none other than our forward, Charles Lee.” Lee stood, smiling like a child who’d just stolen another’s toy as Washington handed him a blue and red striped armband. Washington gave a quick pep talk and soon they were all clambering onto the field. 

The game went to hell within minutes, and it became obviously clear that Lee had no idea what he was doing. He kept shouting at the midfielders to get on defense when they had control of the ball and tried to drive the ball up the field on his own, refusing to make passes to his teammates and his footwork too sloppy to keep it away from the other team. He swapped wrong players out and by halftime they were down 0-4, the only thing keeping the number that low was Laurens and Burr keeping the ball away from their goal, and Mulligan saving more than his fair share, but you can only stop so many before they start to make it through and when Lee shouted out several incorrect position switches. Washington wasn’t one to step in during a bad game, knowing the players were more than capable of taking care of things, but he was fuming as the players returned to their sideline. 

“Lee! What were you thinking sending Burr to offense and putting Hamilton on defense.” He held out his hand, waiting for the forward to drop the armband there. Lee pulled it off, eyes nothing but rage. “Get off the field, Lafayette I want you as striker. Greene!” A junior boy stood up at the command. “You’re taking left mid, apart from that I want all starters back on the field in their original positions.” A few players exited the field and the former starters replaced them. Washington fiddled with the armband in his hands   glancing between Hamilton and Lafayette before sighing and turning to Alexander. “Fix this.” He said, handing it to Alexander. He pulled it up his arm and the ref shouted that they were nearly out of time and they all got into position. Laurens slapped him on the back before heading to his position. Hamilton shouted at Lafayette to take the kick-off and the game started. Feet moved blindingly quickly and with everyone playing their proper positions it wasn’t long before an assist from Lafayette sent the ball to Hamilton with a clear shot. The ball hit the back net like a rocket, the goalie only barely missing it. The crowd cheered as did the rest of the team and Lafayette started shouting in French, giving Hamilton an idea. 

The next play starts, Hamilton shouting to the players as they all raced across the field. He’s shouting in French to Lafayette, both to confuse the other team and so that Lafayette wasn’t misinterpreting the words as the game seemed to be moving at the speed of light. The other team had gotten sloppy after their easy goals in the first round and it isn’t long before the two are tied. Lafayette sends the final game winning goal in. The other team tenses as the final play starts, less than a minute on the clock, but a lot can happen in a minute. Hamilton is shouting orders, keeping everyone on defensive and if they get the ball to just get it as far away as possible, sending it Lafayette’s way and far from their goal. He shouts at Lafayette in French to just stall when he gets the ball. Lafayette gives him a mock salute with two fingers and they all follow their orders. They manage to keep the ball away from their goal for the remaining time and when the buzzer sounds they’re all cheering and patting each other on the back. Laurens is on one side and Burr on the other, their arms around his shoulders. Eventually someone, Mulligan most likely, begins to lift Hamilton up and hoists him up and soon the whole team is holding him up with strong arms as they carry him to the bus, he’s laughing and trying not to yelp every time the hands on his ass shift. 

The ride back on the bus is long, and the sun was just starting to set when they finally finish packing up. Laurens is sitting next to him and both are laughing about anything and everything. Burr, who keeps throwing shoes at other people who are being too loud as he tries to get some sleep, huffs angrily at them whenever they burst into a particularly rowdy fit of giggles. One of the boys starts singing the national anthem for no reason whatsoever but by the second line the whole bus is singing along. When that’s finished Lafayette starts singing the French National Anthem and Hamilton joins him. Burr has given up at any hope of sleep and just listens to their low voices fill the bus, everyone applauds when they’re finished and there’s a small moment of silence before the normal ruckus of a bus full of teenage boys starts up again. 

When they finally get back to the school Laurens is asleep on Hamilton’s shoulder. He gently shakes the sleeping boy awake and his eyes open slowly. 

“We home?”

“Not quite, back at the school though.” 

“You want to drive me home?” John asks, nuzzling slightly closer.

“I didn’t drive this morning, I just got a ride with Burr.”

“I meant my car, you can spend the night at my house.”

“Are your parents going to be ok with that?”

“Business trip.” Alexander leans forward so that he can talk to Burr.

“I’m going with Laurens, we’ll probably watch movies or something.” Burr nods and yawns as he grabs his bag. “Come on John, I’ll drive but I’m not carrying you.” They grab their bags and John is still sleepy eyed as they climb into the little sports car his parents had gotten him for his 16th birthday. 

“Your dad would kill me if he found out I was driving your car.”

“Nah, he wouldn’t care.” John is already slipping back to sleep as Alexander maneuvers out of the parking lot. 

When they arrive at the Laurens’ household Phillip, John’s younger brother is sitting on the couch scrolling through his phone. 

“Why are you still up?” John asks his brother in mock sternness. 

“Waiting for you to get home.” 

“You get your homework done?” Philip nods, the curly head of hair, identical to his brothers’, bouncing as he does so. Philip was a Freshman this year, and he was the spitting image of his brother, give it a few years when they were both mature and it would be hard to tell the two apart.

John’s room was large, with a blow up air mattress under the bed though more often than not when Alexander spent the night they passed on the floor or both in his bed. John tossed him a spare pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt for him to slip into before he fell into bed in his own pajamas. Alex changed in the bathroom and then John disappeared to brush his teeth. When he returned Alex was pouring over his notes.

“Alex, it’s Friday. You have all weekend.” 

“I just want to finish this and then I’ll go to bed.” John waited for a good half hour before he was finally fed up with the light and sound of pencil scratching on paper. 

“Alex.” 

“Sorry, I’m done.” He closed the notebook and stuffed it back into his bag. John watched him, the curve of his back as he was hunched over the side of the bed. The little bumps his spine made and the way his shoulders rolled under the shirt. John sat up and as Alex turned back around to face him he pressed a light kiss to his lips, Alexander melted into it, and after what felt like an eternity and the blink of an eye at the same time they pulled away slowly.

“How long?”

“Since the first time I met you.” Alexander confesses,

“We’ve both been pining for over three years?”

“It would seem so.”   



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander receives a letter. If only things could be that simple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place a little over a month since the last one.

The letter arrived while they were at school and even when he got home after practice he wasn’t one to check the mail. Burr shouted at him from the kitchen as he leafed through the various envelopes, leaving the letters for their foster parents in a basket on the counter with the rest of them, they hadn’t been home since last week and even then they had barely glanced at either. Hamilton had asked them what they wanted for dinner since it was his turn to cook, but they’d said they had reservations. So he only made enough pasta and chicken for him and Burr. 

“Hamilton! There’s a letter for you.”

“Yes, you said as much. I’ll read it later.”

“It looks important. Can you just come down here and read it? We really don’t need to shout across the house.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll be down in a moment.” He shouted in the direction of his door. He shut his laptop, the essay he’d been working on had long been done, he was simply revising some points and adding a bit more length, though it had only been assigned as 5 pages he’d written well over 15. He clambered down the stairs, and came into the kitchen to Burr working on homework at the counter.   
“You have a desk in your room.”

“That I do.”

“Why don’t you use it then?”

“Because I prefer to work here.”

“But you have a desk, that is in the privacy of your room and allows you little distractions.”

“There are rarely distractions in here. If you’ve forgotten, it's normally just you and I here.” 

“No, I haven’t.” Alexander sighs, picking up the letter in question. He doesn’t even glance at the return address as he grabs a rather large carving knife from the butcher’s block, Burr sighs at this choice of letter opener, and Hamilton slides the knife across the crease, and pulls the folded papers out. 

“What’s it for?” Burr asks, looking up from a particularly difficult math problem. Hamilton quickly scans through the pages and his jaw practically drops to the floor. “What? What is it?”

“They’re offering me a full-ride athletic scholarship.”

“Are you serious?” Burr is up in a moment, peering over his shoulder.

“They just want to evaluate my performance at the game next week.”

“That’s awesome.” Burr is grinning but when he looks at Alexander his face falls. The color has drained from it. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Lafayette’s going to visit family in France and his flight leaves the morning of the game.” 

“I’m sure you’ll play fine with another striker.” Hamilton nods and shoves the letter into the envelope before heading back up to his room. He grabbed his cell from his backpack and shot a quick text to Laurens.

 

_ You doing anything right now? _

  1. _Ham_



 

_ Not really, I was going to work on the homework for Franklin’s class. Why? Is everything ok? _

_ J.L. _

 

_ Kind of….... Not really, I have an opportunity to get a full-ride scholarship for soccer but I’m kind of freaking out because there are some issues.  _

  1. _Ham_



 

_ Do you want to come over and talk about it? _

_ J.L. _

 

_ I thought you had homework. _

  1. _Ham_



 

_ And what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t abandon my homework for you. _

_ J.L. _

 

_ I’ll be there in 15.  _

_`_ _A. Ham_

 

_ See you then. _

_ J.L _

Hamilton changed quickly into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. He grabbed his backpack, which he’d shoved the envelope and laptop into, and keys before shouting his good-byes to Burr as he hurried out the backdoor. His car was a piece of crap and Hamilton would be the first to admit to that, but for six-hundred dollars you couldn’t ask for much more, he and Burr had split the cost of the car, so that they could get to and from school more easily than having to catch rides after practice and taking the always late bus in the mornings. They’d bought it the winter Hamilton turned 16, as he was older, he drove the two of them everywhere, but when Burr turned 16 his parents will was read and in it Burr received his father’s 1980 black Corvette and the crappy 2000 Ford Contour with the torn up back bumper became solely Alexander’s. 

“Will you back for dinner?” Burr shouted as the door slammed shut, he listened for a response, sighed when none came and went back to his math homework.

Alexander didn’t dare park in the driveway, knowing his car had a tendency to leak fluid, so he parked on the side of the road and headed up to the front door. Philip answered, a smile on his face when he realized it was Alex. 

“John’s in his room.” He said holding the door open.

“Thanks. How’s your history going? Do you still need a tutor? After soccer season I should be available. ” 

“Nah, I’m good. John’s been helping me, and you helped him when he took the class so we both did pretty good.”

“Good to hear.” Phillip headed into the kitchen leaving Alexander alone for a moment before he headed towards John’s room. He tapped on the door with his knuckles before pushing it open slightly, and poking his head in. John was tossing dirty clothes into his hamper when Alexander stepped in and John flipped around, blocking the view of the overflowing bin.

“You’re here early. You said 15 minutes.”

“Might have broke a few municipal laws on the way over.” Alexander made sure the door was closed before closing the distance between them and kissing him. They pull away and rest their foreheads together. 

“Philip still doesn’t know?”

“No.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“Someday, I don’t know how he’ll react and if he’ll tell my father.”

“He’s your brother, he’ll love you either way.” 

“You didn’t come here to talk me out of the closet. Come on.” He takes Alex’s hand and drags him to the bed so that they can sit together, their legs hanging off the edge of the bed, shoulders and knees knocking together. 

“So what happened with this scholarship?” Alexander grabs the letter from his bag and passes it to Laurens’.

“I have the opportunity to get a full-ride to Columbia.”

“Columbia, Columbia?  Like the law school in New York?” Laurens’ says in disbelief.

“I applied last year, my grades are good enough to get in and I applied for an athletic scholarship and they want to send out a scout to the game next week.” 

“Alexander, that’s amazing.” He pulls him into a one armed hug, the other still holding the letter. 

“It would be, if it was any other game.”

“What’s wrong with this game in particular?”

“Lafayette won’t be there. He’s flying out that morning to visit family.”

“Alexander, you’ll do great with or without Lafayette.”

“Not as good as we could play with him.” He can see the tears starting to well up in his eyes. This was his opportunity and he thought it was going to be lost because a player couldn’t make it to the game that would make or break his future. He sets the letter on his nightstand and turns to face Alexander. 

“Alex, listen to me.” He runs a hand through his hair and pulls him all the way onto the bed so that they’re both sitting cross legged, he leans forward, pressing their foreheads together and holds his face in two hands. “You are going to kick this team’s ass. You’re going to do amazing and you’re going to get that fucking scholarship, do you understand?” Alex nods, and John swipes at the tear that had managed to slip down his cheek. “You’re going to go to Columbia and you’re going to be a big shot lawyer and I’m gonna get my degree in medicine and we’re going to move in together and you’re not ever going to have to worry about money again, ok.” Alex nods, and Laurens’ lifts his lips to his forehead pressing a light kiss there. “You’re going to be amazing Alexander, absolutely amazing.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm totally writing this procrastinate studying for finals.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lafayette says some stuff in French, I just ran it through google translate so if it's incorrect I'm sorry.

The clock is slowly ticking down to lunch, ticktickticktick, and Alexander knew he should be paying attention to what would be on the history test on Monday but his mind was running through soccer plays. Instead of the usual Lafayette playing striker, Henry Knox, another senior on the team who often subbed in for Lafayette and could pretty well hold his ground, would be. The bell finally rang and Alexander shoved the notebook into his bag. Lafayette had left for the airport early this morning, wishing them all farewell yesterday evening. He tipped a few books into his locker and grabbed the ones for his afternoon classes, he closed the door to find Laurens had been leaning against the locker next to his.

“Thought, I’d try that thing they do in the movies.” Laurens said and Alexander felt a smile creep in.

“You’re a dork.”

“You love it. “ Laurens paused for a second. Alex was always fidgety, but he was extra anxious today. He was capping and uncapping a pen in one hand. “How you doing?”

“Kind of freaked out. I think my hands might be shaking and I couldn’t take notes in history because I’m just running through the games in my head overandoverandover andoveragainandimnotsureifwe’lldookwithoutlafayetteandimjust…” John took him by the shoulders to stop his speed rambling.

“Take a breath. In. Good Alex. And now out.” Alex did as he was told, taking long deep breaths. John was taller than him by a few inches and he blocked out the chaos of the hallway. “Don’t work yourself up over this game, it’ll only mess you up, ok.” Alex nodded. “If you want to play your best you need to calm down. Now, you’re going to play amazing tonight, right?” 

“Yes.”

“No, Alex. Say it.”

“I’m going to play amazing tonight.”

“And you’re not even going to think about the scout.”

“And I’m not going to think about the scout.”

“You’re just going to focus on the game and you’ll do great.”

“I’m just going to focus on the game and I’ll do great.”

“Yes, exactly. You have nothing to worry about.” John leaned down and kissed him, in a way that made all of his problems disappear, every last one just melting into oblivion. Alex panicked slightly, fearing the reaction of his fellow students, Alex himself had been out as bisexual since he started but John wasn’t. He started to pull away before realizing that the hallway had emptied in the few moments since they had arrived, all of the students rushing down to lunch, leaving him and John alone. The school was small, a little over 400 students total as it was a private school. So Alex pressed their lips together, and his arms went around Laurens’ neck. John’s hands were splayed out on the small of his back, holding Alex to him. There’s the sound of footsteps on the tile floor and the two nearly jump away from each other, grabbing their bags as James Madison comes racing through the hallway, Thomas not far behind him. 

“Just listen to me! James! I’m sorry, ok!” They go racing past without so much as a second glance at Hamilton or Laurens. “James, please stop running and let me explain!” John glances down at Alexander and rolls his eyes at the other two.

“You think James found out about the whole Sally Hemming’s thing?”

“That I do my dear Laurens, that I do.” Alex glanced around, and with no one in sight he placed a light peck on John’s cheek, a blush quickly covered the freckle covered area as they made their way to the cafeteria. 

“You feeling ok, Ham?” Mulligan asks as he and John sit down.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“Normally you’d have quite a thing to say about what I know you just saw happen with Madison and Jefferson.”

“Well, I’ve been taking a leaf out of Burr’s book and keeping my mouth shut.” John spluttered into his water bottle. “Speaking of which.” Alex says as he stands, and heads over to where Burr is sitting alone, as his usual group of friends, Madison and Jefferson, were last seen racing down the hall. Alex taps him on the shoulder and Burr turns to look at him. John couldn’t hear what he was saying but it was most likely something along the lines of “Hey, so I noticed you’re friends are knee deep in a lover’s quarrel and I don’t want my housemate sitting alone at lunch. What kind of person would I be if I let that happen? So why don’t you join us for lunch.” Burr nodded and grabbed the sack lunch before heading over to where Hercules and Laurens’ were. Burr sat in the seat normally reserved for a certain absent Frenchmen. 

“Thanks for letting me sit with you guys.” Burr said, pulling out a thermos of soup. 

“No problem, but I think I should propose a trade.”

“Mulligan stop it.” John said, but was dismissed with a wave of Hercules milk carton.

“What’s going on with Madison with Jefferson?” Burr shrugged.

“What do you mean?”

“Like why did, not 3 minute ago, Madison go tearing out of here with Thomas chasing after him.”

“Thomas cheated on him with Sally Hemmings.”

“But Thomas and Madison weren’t even official.”

“They’re literally the epitome of PDA.” Alex interjected. “How did you not notice they were together?”

“They never made any announcement.” Mulligan says.

“Well, no.” Burr said. “But they were still dating exclusively, for quite a while now I’ve felt like a third wheel. And oh my god, Thomas and his parties always trying to hook me up with someone because Madison felt bad for me, Thomas really couldn’t give two shits. Neither Sally or James knew about Thomas’ little scheme. Sure James and him were in a relationship but from what I know Sally didn’t know and they were just you know… fuckbuddies? I think that’s the term.” 

Mulligan’s eyes lock on something behind Hamilton and he’s just turning when the familiar accented voice starts in.

“I’m gone for one  **putain de** day and you replace me with Burr.” 

“Gilbert!” Mulligan shouts and climbs over Burr and pull Lafayette into a hug.

“I thought you’re flight left this morning?” Alex says, feeling relief starting to trickle into his chest.

“Do not call me Gilbert, Mulligan, and my flight got cancelled, for reasons they would not disclose.”

“Are you serious?” Lafayette takes a seat in the chair.

“Yes.”

“And instead of going home and sleeping you decided to come back to school?” Mulligan again, as he climbs back over Burr and into his previous seat. 

“Well I can’t play in the game tonight unless I’m here for at least half a day.” He grabs the apple from Mulligan’s tray, wipes it on the edge of his shirt and bites into it. “And I knew Hamilton was freaking out about it, even if he wouldn’t tell me.” 

“So, why didn’t you text us?”

“Where’s the fun in that? You should have seen your faces.” He pauses for a moment and turns to Hamilton. “ **Alexander, comment vous dites ne inestimable ?** ”

“Priceless.” 

“Yes, priceless.” 

“ **Salaud.** ”

“ **Mords moi.”**

“Hey now, you two, no french at the table. It’s just rude.” Mulligan says. “Now back to gossip. Burr, what else you got for us?” 

“Nothing else really.”

“What is it we are discussing?”

“Jefferson cheated on Madison with Sally Hemmings.” Alexander quickly explains and Lafayette clears his throat in order to better imitate Thomas.   
“Whhhaaattttt?” The group bursts out laughing at the impression and Lafayette grins, his and Thomas’ parents had been friends and when they sent him to America for his schooling he’d been staying with the Jeffersons, and though neither would ever admit to it, but Thomas’ iconic ‘whaaaaat’ had originated from Lafayette. The conversation moves quickly and Alex, feeling back to his normal self,,, without worrying as much about the game tonight, easily takes control of the subject matter and expertly lays out his thoughts on Jefferson’s infidelity. 

The afternoon passes much too quickly for Alexander, and before he knows it the final bell is ringing and he and Laurens are making their way to the locker room to get changed. Burr smiles at the two of them in the gym as he leaves the family restroom,,, already in uniform, and heads out to the field to meet Washington. The games don’t normally start until around five but they have to check the field and make sure everything's a go before they can even warm up. The team takes it’s sweet time changing, swatting each other with discarded shirts and cracking jokes before Washington knocks on the door and shouts for all of them to hurry up and they all rush to finish before scurrying out the door. John and Alex take an extra moment and John presses a light kiss to his forehead, running his thumb along Alex’s jaw.

“You’ve got nothing to worry about.” 

“I know.” He says and leans in to kiss him, John’s soft lips meeting his own and fingers threading into the long hair. 

“Boys! Don’t make me come in there!” Washington shouts and they pull apart. Alex grabs a hair tie and starts to pull his hair up as they both hurry out of the locker room. Washington shoots them a questioning glance as they rush past him but says nothing more than a quick order to fill up the water coolers and bring them to the bench.

The Freshman are milling through the field picking up any trash they happen to come across and Lafayette and Mulligan have the other water cooler, the juniors and sophomores are restocking the concession stands. “You want me to come over after the game?” Alex asks as they fill the cooler. 

“Maybe, but we’re not ‘doing anything.’”

“Did I insinuate that we would be?” Alex asks, raising an eyebrow.

“No, but I just want to be clear.”

“John, I won’t try push you if you don’t want to.” Mulligan comes jogging over, with Lafayette close behind and lugging the empty cooler.

“We can talk about this later.” John mumbles.

“Hurry up French Fry.” Mulligan jokes. 

“Don’t call me that, and you know, you could help.” Lafayette shoots back. 

“It’s empty, it can’t be that heavy.” 

“Doesn’t mean it isn’t an awkward size.”

“That’s what she said.”

“Yeah, to you.” Lafayette counters. John and Alex wait as the cooler fills with water before twisting the lid back on and each taking a handle to carry to the bench.

“If you ever feel like I’m pressuring you, tell me. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You’re making me uncomfortable now.” John whispers harshly as they cross the field and Alex looks at the ground.

“I shouldn’t have snapped, I’m sorry. I just don’t want to have this conversation right now.”

“It’s fine.” They set the cooler on the bench and soon Washington it coming over as Von Steuben shouts at some poor Freshman.

“Jefferson’s having a party after the game, are you guys going?” Burr asks as he comes over.

“Depends on how we play.” Alex replies, knowing John tends to enjoy Jefferson’s parties. 

“I can give you a ride if you need one.” Burr says

“I drove this morning. Wait, didn’t Jefferson just have a massive break-up in front of the whole school.” Burr pulls his phone out of his pocket to show Hamilton the group message between him, Madison and Jefferson.

“They’re back together.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Laurens mutters and Washington narrows his eyes. “freaking, freaking kidding me.” 

“Yeah, Jefferson’s throwing the party as way of announcement.”

“So what happened with Madison, I thought he had more sense than that.” Alex says. 

“The guy’s been in love with Jefferson since 7th grade, and they only started dating last year. I don’t think he could not forgive Jefferson.”

“I pity the guy. I really do.” Laurens says as Burr stuffs the phone into his bag.

“So you guys gonna go?”

“Like I said, depends on how we play.” 

By the time the game starts the scout is barely a blip in Hamilton’s mind as he commands players like a general at war. Shouting in French to Lafayette as the two easily dominate the field. Mulligan saves the few balls that make it passed the strong defense that is Burr and Laurens. By the second half of the game they’re in lead with an impressive 3-0. The second half starts and things seem to go downhill as the opposing team is awarded a penalty kick for an elbow Charles Lee put in a player’s stomach. Hamilton shouts at him to get off the field and Greene takes his place again. Lee, as most of the team is beginning to realize, is more of a hindrance than a help. Hamilton silently thanks whatever god is watching over them as Mulligan catches the ball in a dive. The rest of the game plays out well, ending with a total of 6 points. Giving Hamilton a total of four direct goals and the other two as assists to Lafayette.

Washington is congratulating the team as a man in a suit comes over and asks to speak with Alexander, he pulls him to the side.

“I’m the soccer coach for Columbia,” He says shaking Alexander’s hand. “and they gave me sole choice of a scholarship to award, they can choose others if they so choose but I think you’ve got real potential and your’s was the last of 5 games I’ve scouted in the last few weeks.” He takes a breath. “Anyway, Congratulations Alexander, I’m awarding you with the scholarship.” His jaw goes slack and his eyes wide.

“Are you serious?” The coach laughs and nods.

“Yes, as long as you can play soccer, then you’ve got the scholarship.” Alexander has to physically restrain himself from hugging the man. “You’ll be getting an official letter in a few days, but you’ve got it.” 

“Thank you, sir.”

“No need to call me sir.” He glances at his watch. “I really must be going, have a nice weekend Alexander.”

“You too.” 

“I hope to see you next year.” As soon as he turns away he turns to look at John, who’s grabbing his bag, and mouths: ‘Oh My God!’ before rushing over to him.

“I got the scholarship.”

“How do you know?”

“He just told me, he’s the coach for Columbia’s team.”

“That’s great Alexander.” John says pulling him into a hug so that his feet are dangling off the ground and spins them around. 

“I’m going to Columbia!” 

“You’re going to Columbia!” The whole team is staring at them now and John sets him down, when a crazy piece of his mind screams louder than his impulse control and grabs Alex with one hand going around his waist to rest on the small of his back and the other on his cheek and pulls him into a kiss. The two hear a loud whistle from Mulligan and Alex pulls away. 

“What about your father?”

“I don’t care about that, not now.” He pressed their foreheads together and they grinned at the other. 

“Juniors and Seniors are dismissed. Freshman, Sophomores you’re in charge of getting the gear back inside.” Washington says and the team disperses.

“We going to Jefferson’s party?” John asks, as they cross the parking lot.

“I think it’ll be fun, a nice way to celebrate, even if the guy is a major douche.” 

“John!” Someone shouts and they turn to see Phillip running towards them. “I need a ride home.”

“I didn’t drive.” John says. “Dad gave us a ride this morning, have you tried calling him.”

“He isn’t answering his phone.”

“I can give you a ride, go with Mulligan and I’ll meet you there.” Alex says, taking John’s bag from him.

“Are you sure?” Phillip asks.

“It’s no problem.”

“I could come with you.” John suggests and Alex shakes his head. 

“It’s cool, I’ll leave your bag with Phillip and meet you at the party. Get a drink for me?”

“Of course.” John kisses his forehead, and Alex can feel his face heat up. “Be careful.” He tips Alex’s chin up and kisses him again. When he steps away, grins and offers a casual wave to his brother and Alex, Phillip looks slightly shell shocked but waves back.

“Sorry if that made you uncomfortable.” Alex says, stuffing the bags into the backseat of his car.

“No, it’s fine. I just didn’t expect that. I mean, I knew about you two.” They climb in, Hamilton turning the ignition as Phillip buckled in. “Neither of you are very good at being sneaky. I kind of figured it out when I walked in you making out in kitchen.” 

It’s not a long drive to the Laurens’ house but it seems to last longer without the comical banter between him and John, instead Phillip was steadily tapping at his phone. It’s dark out and they’re taking a back way to avoid traffic lights. 

“So, how’s school?”

“It’s fine. I’m taking a class with Washington, I’m the only Freshman in the class.”

“How are you doing there? Getting good grades?”

“Yeah, I can keep up. It’s not…..” Alex never gets to find out what it’s not, a car without its headlights on suddenly barrels into the passenger side of the car. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not even sorry about what comes next.


	4. Chapter 4

     The airbags explode out at the two of them, knocking the wind out of Alex and then the car is rolling. Once, twice, three times, Alex feels a pain in his leg and then his head hits something and everything goes dark.

He wakes up not knowing where he is, just that is leg feels like it’s gone through a meat grinder. The car’s upside down, the windshield is busted. His mind is fuzzy and his eyes won’t focus. He sees a bit of curly hair and freckled skin and his mind immediately goes to John, before current memory corrects it. Phillip.

“Phillip.” His voice is weak and he moves his arm to try to get his attention. There’s blood covering the other boys face. Alex unbuckles his and Phillip’s seat belt and starts to wriggle out of the mangled car. His leg strikes the steering and his vision goes blurry. He takes a deep breath, trying to center himself. He pulls Phillip out by hooking his arms under Philip’s shoulders, and dragging him out of the wreckage. He feels the pressure of his phone in his pocket, when they’re out of the car, Phillip is covered in blood, and he’s still bleeding. He pulls the phone out of his pocket as he and Phillip and lay in the ditch. Alex’s mind is going fuzzy again. He can’t think of the number to dial, just that Burr’s set to speed dial, the phone rings, and it rings and it rings and finally a familiar voice answers. 

“Alexander?” He can’t piece together the words to form his thoughts.

“Accident, Get John.” He manages before losing consciousness again. 

This time when he wakes up there are lights flashing, and sirens wailing. His vision is still swimming but he catches the glimpse of someone headed his way. The world fades back out. He’s back again, in the back of an ambulance, the lights are excruciatingly bright. He realizes he woke up because he can’t breathe, he’s gasping for breath but the air is doing nothing. Above him, paramedics are working quickly to try to help him. He feels like he’s drowning as he gasps for breath, there’s a pinch on his arm and he’s plunged into darkness again. 

Something is beeping a slow, rhythmic tone. He’s laying in a bed, the sheets are scratchy but his chest is cold and exposed. He takes in a breath of air, his mind starting to clear and suddenly as a sharp pain shoots through his chest and the memories flood back, his eyes fly open. Burr is asleep in a chair across the room, and Lafayette and Mulligan are propped against each other in fold up chairs next to his bed. As he starts to move to pull the covers up he can’t feel anything in his left leg. He panics, sucking in a deep breath that hurts his chest and then ends up coughing, which causes even more shocks of pain to spike through his chest. The other 3 jolt awake and Burr is up in a flash, grabbing for the ‘nurse call’ button. By the time she gets there, not a moment after Burr has pressed the button, Alex has been able to get a grip on his coughing. She does a quick check on him a general run down over his injuries, but he barely hears a word. 

“Where’s Phillip?” He asks, interrupting her. 

“There was a boy brought in with you but he’s not my patient.” She says before leaving again. He turns to look at the boys sitting around him, each and every one of them staring at the ground.

“Where is he, please tell me he’s ok. Tell me that’s why John’s not here, because he’s sitting in his room.” Mulligan shakes his head, but it’s Burr who answers.

“He was dead when they arrived on the scene.” 

“No.”

“I’m sorry Alexander.” Alex is shaking his head.

“No, he has to be ok. It’s Philip, John’s brother, he has to be ok.” 

“ **Je suis désolé, mais il est parti.** ” His head is swimming again and suddenly there’s an alarm sounding again and everything is so bright and he can’t see anything. People are rushing back into the room, and nurses are ushering the other boys out of the room. 

Once again, time is irrelevant and it feels as though only seconds had passed since Lafayette had spoke, but the curtains in his room are open and everyone is gone. The room is empty, and he is alone with the beeping of the heart monitor. There’s a digital clock on the wall but somewhere along the line his contacts had been removed or fallen out, so it was nothing more than a halo of red light. He tries to move his arm and search the table that’s sitting just out of reach, but there's a sharp pain in his chest that forces him to stop. He closes his eyes and is about to just go back to sleep when he hears the door open and Burr comes in. Alex cracks open an eye and watches as he sets down a cup of coffee on the windowsill, Burr’s back is turned to him, and he grab a book he hadn’t earlier seen and settles into the chair. 

“Hey.” Alex mutters, and Burr’s head shoots up. 

“You’re awake.”

“Yeah, what happened? Where are the others?” Burr closes the book, and sets it next to the coffee.

“They went home a while ago. You woke up about…” He glances at the still blurry clock. “8 hours ago, and. God we shouldn’t have told you about Phillip, but you kind of freaked out. I don’t know the exact reasoning but the doctor said sometimes after a trauma the brain can’t fully process emotional outbursts, and you had a seizure.” He’s engrossed in the floor now.

“I got your call when we were at Thomas’ and I didn’t know where you were, just that you told me to get John and I couldn’t find him at first so I called 911 and told them I didn’t know where you were just that I thought something was wrong and then I found John mid-call and he told me that you were driving to his house, and they just told us to go to where you were and they’d send an ambulance to where we were and god Alex, the car was destroyed and I thought there was no way you could have survived.” He sniffs, rubbing his nose with the sleeve of his shirt. “I was so fucking scared for you and all your friends were so worried.” Alex doesn’t know how to respond, he’s never seen Aaron cry.

“I’m sorry.” He finally says and Burr shakes his head.

“It’s not your fault. It was a drunk driver, the guy didn’t even have his lights on.” Alexander lets everything that Burr had told him sink in. 

“Has Laurens come in?”

“No. I don’t think he can, mentally. They told him here, he wasn’t with me when I met them at the site.” Alex nods, the pain in his head spiking and he winces.

“I’m going to go get the doctor.” Burr says, getting to his feet.

“Did you bring my glasses?” He grabs a bag sitting on the floor by his chair and pulls the case out of a side pocket.

“Here they are.” He passes the case to Alexander, and the world slips into focus with the glasses. The door slides shut and Alex is left alone with his thoughts again, they fill the silence better than any music or talk ever could. Philip is dead, John blames him. He can’t feel his leg, and is torn between trying to move it or not because he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he can’t. He doesn’t get long to contemplate moving his leg because Burr comes back in with a nurse just behind him.

“How are you feeling?” She asks.

“I’m not really sure what to compare it to.”

“Any dizziness or nausea?”

“No.” She pushes up the sleeve of the hospital gown and wraps the blood pressure cuff around it. 

“How bad was everything and how long was I out the first time?”

“One moment, and I’ll go over your chart with you.” She says. When she’s finished she goes to the end of the bed where there’s a clipboard in a slot.

“You were admitted around 7:30 last night, you woke up the first time around 6’o clock this morning. Regarding your injuries now. You have3 fractured ribs, one of those punctured your lung, and 4 more cracked ribs. You had surgery when you came in to take care of the puncture.” That explained the pain in his chest and why he couldn’t breath in the ambulance.“Minor concussion. Extensive damage to your left leg, your knee cap was completely shattered. Your tibia, the shinbone, was fractured in three places, and your fibula in two. There’s extensive nerve damage in that leg, that could cause temporary or permanent paralysis there.” Alex sucks in a breath, the ‘P’ word hanging in the air even as the nurse continues to talk, running through the other injuries. She says he’ll be out in 2 days if everything looks good and he nods before he replaces the chart, and goes outside. Alex wipes at the tears that haven’t fallen, and Burr sits on the side of the bed careful to avoid his leg. 

“I know it’s selfish, but I just realized. I’m going to lose my scholarship. And it’s fucking horrible to dwell on that because Philip.” He chokes out a sob and the first tears fall. “My god, Philip. John hates me, he has to hate me. He came out of the closet for me, and then I killed his brother.” 

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“I could have.. I don’t know, but it’s my fault. God, this is all my fault.” Burr leans forward to pull him into a gentle hug, careful of his injuries, as Alex sobs, holding him to tight. Burr just rubs his back in small slow circles, trying, in vain, to calm him down. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, but at the same time, I'm not. So like do with that as you will.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm probably going to go back over this at some point and do some major editing but for now you'll just have to deal because editing shit is the bane of my existence, so I apologize now.

John doesn’t visit him. The two day stay turned into three, and the three into four, but finally it was day five and he’d officially been dubbed ‘ready to re-enter the world’ even if he really wasn’t. He still couldn’t move his leg, but with the help of a brace and a crutch he could hobble around well enough to get around. Burr had gotten his pain Meds and his newly prescribed antidepressants from the nurse that morning and had said he needed to get to class so he’d left early with a promise to pick him up after school because he wasn’t to be discharged before noon. So when the clock is just passing 12:30 Alexander is more than a little surprised when a nurse comes in and tells him that someone is here to pick him up. She helps him pack the backpack Burr had brought over. He didn’t bother changing, opting for the pajama like pants and button up shirt rather than the jeans and T-shirt in his bag. 

She disappeared for a moment and Alex assumed that was his cue to leave, but he bumped into her again just outside the door to his room, pushing a wheelchair. 

“I really don’t need...”

“It’s hospital policy, please, sit.” So he does, setting his bag in his lap and resting his crutches across the arms of the chair. He has to stand them upright when they get in the elevator. They stop at the front desk, Alex signs a few papers and then she turns him around and pushes him towards the door. Just outside is a familiar sports car, John is pacing on the sidewalk. When he spots Alex it’s less than a second before he’s standing in front of him, taking his bag, and helping him to his feet. The short walk to the car feels like the longest 20 feet of his life and he leans against John for support. John pulls the door open and helps Alex and then he’s climbing into the driver's seat. Neither of them says a word to the other until the doors have closed. As the car starts John begins to speak. 

“I’m sorry. I should have come to see you. They told me what happened when I was in the lobby and I just couldn’t go any farther. I came back a couple of days ago and I just couldn’t. Even today, I went in too sign you out, but I couldn’t wait in there.”

“Why are you the one picking me up?”

“Burr texted me this morning asking if I could pick you up if I wasn’t going to school.” 

“And why aren’t you in school?”

“The shrink my father hired doesn’t want me going in for at least a week, but it leaves me sitting in my room all day doing nothing but reliving the hours, over and over again.”

“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have....” He can feel the tears prickling again and John stops the car in the middle of the parking lot, and turns to him.

“Alexander, this is no way your fault. You offered to drive him home because you are a wonderful selfless person and someone hit your car. This is not your fault. I will not let you wallow in guilt because there was a man stupid enough to get behind the wheel while drunk.” He places a hand on Alex’s cheek and turns it so Alex is looking at him. “You did nothing wrong, do you understand me.” Alex nods and John kisses his forehead. His arms go around John, who strokes his hair.

“I’m so sorry John.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” John’s crying now, shaking against the already crying Alexander. One hand goes to the flannel-like fabric of the button up shirt and the other stays on the back of his head, fingers entangled in the dark hair. “I need you to understand, that this isn’t in any way your fault.” Alex nods against his chest and he pulls away so that he can look at him, eyes puffy and red, his face streaked with tears.

“Alex, I love you. I love you so much and I couldn’t bear it if anything else happened to you, not after this, I can’t lose you too. So you have to stop blaming yourself.” He kisses his cheeks, following the tear streaks as he had only a couple of weeks ago, though it felt like a lifetime ago. When the tears have dried and John is about to turn away, to take him home, he raises his chin ever so slightly to catch John’s lips in his own. As Alex’s hand came up to meet John’s cheek and he felt the rough patch John had missed shaving, just a tiny piece where the razor had missed. 

“You missed a spot.” Alex mutters against his lips as they part and John places a kiss at the corner of his mouth.

“I’ll take care of it later.” 

Alex’s heart races as they leave the parking lot, they’re a couple towns over from where they lived. According to Burr they hadn’t even bothered to take him to the small one in town, knowing they weren’t properly equipped for the emergency ther. He closes his eyes and takes a slow shallow breath.

“Are you ok?” John asks, reaching over the console to hold his hand. He cracks his eyes back open.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Could you crack the window?” He does. The air outside has started to cool as fall creeps in, the leaves outside are just starting to change color. Oranges, yellows, and browns litter the green leaves as they pass by too quickly. His stomach churns and he closes his eyes again, leaning his head back. At a stop light John lets go of his hand to fish a bottle of water from the backseat, he tends to keep a case for after practices, twists the lid off and puts it in Alex’s hand.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Alex nods, not trusting his voice. Alex keeps his eyes closed but sips the water slowly. Everything seems to be calming down until he pulls onto the highway. Alex feels like his heart is pounding out of his chest, his stomach doing a gymnastic routine, yet he still dares to open his eyes. The road ahead of them is scattered with the occasional car, but all that he sees is a side road illuminated by headlights and then, It’s like the accident all over again and he feels acid in his throat.

“Pull over, John, pull over.” He says it in a rush and John is on the side of the road in a heartbeat, as Alex pushes the door open, leans out of the side and heaves into the grass. He feels his hair being pulled back and then a hand is on his back rubbing slow circles there. The taste fills his mouth and he spits, trying to get rid of it. He takes a sip from the water bottle swirls it, spits, repeats several times but it still lingers.” John passes him a pack of gum. “God, I’m sorry. I…”

“Alex, it’s fine. Do you think you’ll be okay if I start driving again or do you want to wait a while?” 

“Can I just lay down in the backseat? I don’t want to see the road.” 

“Ofcourse.” John gets out, careful of the traffic, to help him into the back and moves the stuff on the seat to the floor. John balls a shirt up and puts it under Alex’s head before kissing his forehead. “If you need me to stop tell me, ok?” Alex nods and John goes back to driving. He keeps an arm crooked back between the driver and passenger seats so that Alex can hold his hand. He checks on him every few minutes, glancing in the rearview mirror or asking how he’s feeling.

Alex can feel every blemish in the road, and his ribs are screaming at every tiny bump. He has a death grip on John’s hand all the way home and only when they pull into his driveway and the engine is switched off, does he let go of it. John grabs Alex’s bag for him, and rummages through it to find the keys before helping Alex out of the car. Alex wraps an arm around his shoulder, expecting nothing more than a support but John scoops him up. He’s shorter than John and while he’s got a decent layer of muscle from soccer, John can still lift him with relative ease, an arm under his knees, he barely takes notice of the brace digging into his arm, and the other on his back. Alex doesn’t protest, he just buries his face in John’s neck, breathing in the scent of his woody shampoo. 

The house is empty and John carries Alex to the couch in the living room. Setting him down gently and pressing another kiss to his forehead.

“Did you have lunch yet?” 

“No.”

“I’m going to make you something. How does chicken soup and grilled cheese sound?”

“Thank you, John, but really you don’t have to take care of me.”

“It’s fine Alex, I don’t mind.” John heads into the kitchen, leaving Alex alone. He unties his hair from the loose ponytail John had tied it into and instead wraps it into a tight bun at the back of his head. He’s fidgety, unable to get comfortable and feeling way to anxious to sit still. John hadn’t brought in his crutches yet and he probably shouldn’t get up, but he does anyway. He’s careful not to put too much weight on his bad leg, he uses the couch for support at first and then realizes he most likely won’t be able to walk on his own, the wall is about 5 feet from the edge of the couch, so he takes a deep breath, says a silent prayer that his leg will support him and takes a step. 

In the kitchen John hears a loud thud followed by a string of curses, the words a mix of French and English. He abandons the soup on the stove and finds Alex on the floor of the living room. When he see’s John he gives him a thumbs up to indicate that he’s ok.

“Why Alex?” John says, clearly exasperated. 

“Didn't want to sit in a room by myself any longer. Been doing that all week.” 

“You could have asked for help.” He helps Alex to his feet and with the support of John they he hobbles into the kitchen, who sets him gingerly down in a barstool at the counter and then returns to cooking.

John makes enough for the both of them and they eat in relative silence.

“I was supposed to be driving him.” John finally says. “You should have been at the party and me on the road. You would still have your scholarship and you wouldn’t be hurt or blaming yourself and, god, I wish it had been me.” Alex places a hand on his cheek, so that he’s looking at him straight on.

“This is not your fault, so don’t you dare. I’ll figure out my scholarship, I’ll be fine. Don’t you dare turn this on yourself. Don’t you fucking dare say you wish it was you.” He wraps his arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. John scoots off his stool so that he can stand, his arms around Alex’s middle. “Don’t you dare John, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” They completely abandon their lunch and John just let his tears fall into Alex’s shirt. 

The first thing Burr notices when he gets home from school is John’s car in the driveway. The second is that there are two plates of half eaten food on the counter and the third is John on the couch with Alexander lying on his chest, and Alex’s head on his shoulder while his is turned into Alex’s hair. Their breathing is matched at a slow rhythmic pace. Burr is careful to clean up the kitchen quietly so as not to wake either one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's probably very obvious how much I love forehead kisses, they are just too cute. School starts on Tuesday so either expect a rapid decline on updates or a rapid incline depending on the level of my procrastination. Everyone is hella fucked up. There might be a sequel after I finish this but I'm not sure yet.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter is brought to you by my obsessive saving of documents to flash drives, Dropbox and Google docs before I close out of anything because I've literally lost documents that ended up being around 50,000 words total because of my shitty computer. Also brought to you by my mother's old work laptop that has to be plugged into a freaking Ethernet cable to get on the Internet.  
> Once again not sure how long it's going to be until the next chapter will be up but I'm loving writing this. It was originally a project that I started to get over writers block for an original story I've been writing the last few months but this is currently my favorite so I'm favoring it to that story at the moment.

      John knocks on the door, hoping that Alex will be the one to answer but knowing it will most likely be Burr. Alex had stayed home from school, again. He hardly went anymore, he managed to keep his grades afloat, take tests when he did go and turned in his assignments. Most of his teachers took sympathy, but there were a few who deducted points because of his absence. John knew the signs, knew Alex needed to talk to a psychologist and get medication but whenever he brought it up with Alex he shut down. He’d been out of the hospital for a little over 6 weeks, soccer season was coming to a close and John hoped that when it did, Alex’s more energetic and outspoken self would start to show again, at the same time John realized that it probably wouldn’t but he could always hope. Burr opened the door, to Laurens with an overstuffed backpack on his shoulder and a few notebooks in his arms. 

“Alexander’s upstairs, he was asleep when I checked not to long ago but you can wake him up. I already ate, but there’s leftover stuff in the fridge if you want anything.”

“Thanks.” As he starts to enter Burr grabs him by the arm.

“If you could get him to eat something with more substance than buttered toast and coffee, that would be great.” John nods and Burr lets go of him. “I just want to make sure he’s ok.”

“I want the same thing.” Burr shuts the door behind him and John heads upstairs. The door to Alex’s room is shut and he raps on it lightly, when no reply comes he pushes it open to see Alex asleep in his side, his breathing even and low. John pushes the door open and deposits his bag on Alexander’s desk chair, setting the notebooks on the desk. He sits lightly on the side of the bed, Alex lets out a small noise of protest as the mattress shifts from the new weight. John runs light touches down Alex’s cheek with his fingertips. He stirs under the touch and John leans down to press a light kiss to his forehead. He wakes up slowly, and John’s stroking his hair gently when his eyes flutter open. 

“Morning love, did you have a nice nap?”

“Mmmm..” Alex hums, raising his arm to twine his fingers with John’s. “You should lay down with me.”

“I’m all sweaty.” John says, he’d come over after practice but he’d left on the long short and t-shirt he’d worn.”Besides, we need to study, you’re the one who asked me to come over.” Alex props himself up on and arm.

“Cuddling sounds like much more fun.”

“Come on, I’ll go make us something to eat and then we can study.”

“And then we can cuddle.” Alex adds and John grins.

“Yes, and then we can cuddle.” Alex stretches to catch John’s lips in his own, their eyes close and John feels like heaven, a moment later Alex pulls away and sits up. He still has no mobility in his leg below the hip, but he’s getting used to the brace and can move around with the confidence that he won’t faceplant the minute he stands. John stands first, and takes his hands to pull him to his feet, wrapping an arm around him when his balance wavers.

“You got it?” Alex nods and John kisses him again before they both make their way into the hall. The stairs still prove to be a challenge and John steadies him again with an arm around his waist. Alex sits down at the counter while John opens the fridge to find food.

“I’m really not that hungry.”

“What have you eaten today?”

“An apple and some coffee this afternoon.” Alex replies sheepishly. “But really, can we just have bagels or something.”

“Bagels with cream cheese and ham, that way you actually eat something nutritional value.”

“Ham and bagels with Ham and Laurens.” Alex jokes and John’s lips tilt into a smile as he drops the bagels into the toaster and starts getting the other stuff out. 

“I’m going to cut up some tomatoes and cucumbers.”

“John, I’m really not hungry.” John pretends he didn’t hear what Alex had just said.

"Ranch or peanut butter with the carrots?"

"If you're going to force me to eat you could atleast make it something that isn't healthy." John cocks his head so that he's looking at him with his arms still raised and in the cabinet. "Peanut butter." He sighs, laying his head on his folded arms.

"You ok?"

"You know how painkillers are supposed to stop you from hurting."

"Yeah."

"Mine give me migraines."

"I can make you some tea if you'd like." 

"There's a box of chamomile in that cabinet." He gives a vague gesture to his left, keeping his face buried. John lowers the lights and fills a kettle with water before placing it on the stove. Headaches were not a new thing for Alexander, from staying up to late to work on homework and too much caffeine. Exercise tended to help, going for a long run with nothing but soft instrumentals playing through his ears and covering up the sound of his heavy breathing as he pushed himself to the limit making his legs scream but dulling the pounding in his head. He tried not to think about the fact that he wouldn't ever be able to run again, about the fact that one his legs might never heal and that he might never feel the burning of his muscles there as he pushed himself farther and farther. 

John tapped him on the shoulder and pushed a plate in front of him, effectively stopping his train of thought. He gave him a small smile as he sat up. John sat down across from him at the island counter with his own plate. Alex took a few small bites of half of the bagel, and picked at the carrots. The kettle went off, and it felt like an icepick had been driven through his skull. John hurried over to the stove to pull it off, so that whistling stopped and poured the water into a large mug he'd pulled out of the cabinet. Alex had closed his eyes, trying to push away the pain that was shooting through his skull. John pushed the tea into his hand, knowing the heat of the mug would take his mind off the pain so that he didn't focus on solely that. He sipped the tea, savoring the way it burned his tongue. 

"You ok?" John asked lightly, Alex nodded slowly, knowing a jerky movement would cause it flare up again. He opened his eyes again, and the only light in the room was from the nearly set sunrays streaming from the windows. 

"There's aspirin in the cabinet over there." Alex said, his voice shaking a little.

"Can you take that with the stuff you're on?" Alex nodded again and John went over to retrieve the bottle, dropping two into his hand, he swallowed them with a gulp of tea.

"So you're still on the pain meds?"

"Yeah, my ribs have started to heal and everything else is pretty good but my leg started regaining feeling shortly after I got out of the hospital, still can't fucking move the thing, or do anything other than feel it, even then it's not really having any sensation there, just feels like someone's driving a fucking axe through it." 

"Why didn't.."

"Because it wasn't important. They already know this is the best it's going to get."

"What do you mean?"

"The muscles there are destroyed and while most of the nerves were irreparably damaged they missed something during my initial stay. It wasn't just a minor concussion and it's just my fucking luck that they didn't find the extent of the damage done until weeks later. God, I really didn't want to get into this. I'm sorry for dragging you back into my problems." 

"Does anyone else know?"

"Fucking Columbia, of course Columbia fucking knows because they took away my goddamn scholarship. In fact every fucking school that offered me an athletic scholarship has revoked it. They said that they might be able to offer me another scholarship  if my leg started healing and showed signs that I might be able to play again, but then I got this fucking news." He points at himself, at the place where he'd slammed his skull into the roof of his car. "And now that option is completely gone." Alex knows that the tears are going to follow soon if he doesn't pull himself together and he doesn't want to cry in front of John anymore than he already has. "I'm sorry, this fucking accident shouldn't be about me. I realize I'm the lucky one in the end of all this shit, but this such fucking bullshit. Yeah Philip died, and I wish I could mourn that properly but my life is falling apart. Everything I fucking worked for, just like that it's gone. It'd have been better if I had died, if it meant Philip was ok, at least then it wouldn't all have been for nothing." He closes his eyes again, holding back the tears that are trying so desperately to escape. He opens his eyes when the stool he's sitting on is turned so that John can wrap him in his arms. 

"I'm sorry Alex. I don't how I can help." Alex is pulling in deep breaths as he buries his face in John's shirt, tears spilling over. 

"I've got to stop breaking down in the kitchen." Alex says between breaths, and feels John chuckle a bit above him. He pulls away and wipes at his eyes. "I'm sorry, I..."

"Alex, you're allowed to be upset, it's understandable." 

"Can we just go study?"

"Let me clean up the kitchen and then we can, ok?" Alex nods. "Do you want me to bring anything else to eat upstairs?"

"Not really, but you can put the half I didn't eat off in the fridge and I'll eat it tomorrow or something."

John moves quickly to clean the kitchen, and they're climbing the stairs back to his room when Alex yawns.

"We can study later if you're tired." John suggests and Alex just shakes his head. They study for a while but Alex is already dozing off when John says it's laptop is about to die. Alex offers him the one sitting at on his desk and types in the password. It's just booted up when he hears the soft snoring and he's about to close the laptop and just head home so he doesn't disturb Alex, who has his head pillowed on a Physics textbook, but the open document catches his attention. It's a poem, but it's not formatted like a poem, rather it's written in paragraphs but rhythm that is reads as is that of a poem, the words flow together to form beautiful sentences and there's a rhyming scheme that John can't quite grasp specifically but it is there either way making it feel like he should be singing the words rather than confining them to the page Alex has typed them on. He wonders if this how Alex thinks, in this beautiful flowing way, able to go off on tangents that somehow flow eloquently back to the main subject of the poem. Before John can think of the consequences he grabs a flash drive from his bag and saves the document to it, at the same time formulating a plan on how to Alex a scholarship or at the very least the recognition he deserved. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 updates in one night, aren't I just on top of things. Have fun with this one though.

It’s two days after Laurens had last come over when Hamilton feels up to go to school again. He’d gotten more used to driving since the first time with Laurens, but he still couldn’t sit in the front seat without feeling physically ill so he’d sit in the backseat, normally with his nose buried in a book or his headphones in. Burr had scheduled another appointment with a psychiatrist for that afternoon, to determine whether the medications he’d been put on a little over a week ago were starting to work, Alex hated being on so many different medications. Before the accident he’d never liked taking drugs if he didn’t need them, and only took aspirin or tylenol if his head was in a particularly bad mood but now he was popping pills left and right and soon there’d be even more to take. 

John came up behind him in the hall, wrapping his arms around Alex’s waist as the rest of the students swarmed by, waiting for the first hour bell to ring, and pressed his lips to Alex’s temple.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m tired.”

“I figured you would be, and that’s why…” He steps down a few lockers to his own and grabs two starbucks cups from the top shelf and hands one to Alex, who gratefully takes it, taking a gulp of the sweet latte.

“God, I love you.”

“Just John Laurens is fine, no need to use my holy title.” Alex punches his arm and Laurens overdramatically grabs the spot as if he’s been mortally wounded, a smile playing across his lips. The bell rings and John shoulders his backpack. “I’ve got to get to class, but I love you too.” He presses a final kiss to Alex’s forehead and disappears into the crowd of students heading to 1st hour. While Alex is more than ready to ditch the crutches entirely he still doesn’t fully trust the brace and positions the crutch under his arm and heads to class.

The day passes with little eventfulness, except that Burr joins them for lunch again because Jefferson and Madison were last seen sneaking into a rarely used janitor’s closet in the basement at the end of 4th period.

Alex glances at the clock, 3 minutes to dismal for 7th hour. John glanced over at his from the other side of the room and  pulled out his cell phone, glancing up at Washington who had his back turned to the class and was writing out the requirements for their next assignment. Alex felt the phone buzz in his pocket and he pulled it out.

_ You still going with me after school? _

_ J.L. _

_ Yes, unless you have practice. _

  1. _Ham_



_ I’m not going, I think I’m getting a cold. _

_ J.L.  _

“Alexander.” He jumps in his seat and the phone lands in his lap.

“Yes, sir.”  Washington still has his back turned to the class but he somehow always manages to make it sound like he’s standing just behind you.

“I need to speak to you after class.” There are a few snickers from his classmates but no one dares to say a word against him. When he’s sure Washington is done he types a quick text to John.

_ Wait for me at the lockers? _

  1. _Ham_



_ Anything for you. _

_ J.L. _

The bell rings and Alexander starts to pack up but stays in his seat until the class has left before he stands, leaving the crutch at his desk. 

“What do you need, sir?”

“There has never been any question in my mind that whatever you work at you excel in Alexander, and while that was previously soccer I believe that is no longer possible. Am I correct?” Alex nods. “I was approached with a piece of writing, that a friend of your’s informed me was yours and I believe I have an opportunity for you to receive a grant for your writing.”

“Excuse me.”

“You could receive a grant, essentially a scholarship.”

“Yes, I understood that. What was shared with you?”

“I’m not sure how to describe it, here I have it on my computer.” He grabs the laptop and pulls up what Alex had dubbed a “poem in paragraphs”, but had yet to officially title. 

“What the fuck?” He exclaims.

“Alexander…”

“I didn’t give anyone permission to view this and someone gave it to you without my consent, yes it’s my work, but I don’t want any of your goddamn charity.” Alex has already turned around and slings his backpack over his shoulder and positions the crutch back under his arm, grumbling as he exits the room. John’s waiting at his locker when he gets there.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’ll tell you in the car.” He scoops up all his textbooks, not bothering to check what is what, knowing he probably won’t be back tomorrow. Alex drops his books in the back of John’s car and follows them as he lies down in the seat, using his history textbook as a pillow.

“So, what happened with Washington?” John asks, as he pulls out of the parking lot.

“Fucking Burr! He got on my computer because he got it in his head that I wanted other people to read my writing, and he sent it fucking Washington begging him to find me a scholarship. Can you fucking believe that John? What a fucking joke, I’m not a fucking pity party and I definitely don’t need Washington’s fucking charity.” John doesn’t say anything. “Fucking Burr.” Alex mutters again. “I’m going to strangle him.”

“What if it wasn’t Burr?”

“No else has been on my computer. Well except you.”

“Alex.” John swallows, feeling a lump in his throat. “I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“No, you don’t understand. It wasn’t Burr.”

“Then who was it?”

“I thought you’d be surprised, I was only trying to help. I sent it.” Alex doesn’t respond for a long while. 

“Just take me to my house. Burr’ll be pissed if I’m late for the appointment.”

“Alex, I’m..”

“Just take me home John.” 

He pulls up in front of Alex’s house, and watches as Alex shoves everything into his bag and climb the front stairs with his crutches. He doesn’t even glance back at John, and it take him a moment to compose himself before putting the car back into gear. He drives home, barely holding himself together. In the safety of his garage he pulls the keys out the ignition and that’s when it all comes crumbling down. His house is empty, his brother dead, his parents off on a trip and he hadn’t seen them since Philip’s funeral, and his boyfriend, could he even call him that anymore, hated him. He let the tears rain down and he pressed his forehead to the top of the steering wheel, sobs racking his body. He wished he’d been the one driving Philip home instead of Alexander, wished he hadn’t let Alex take Philip home and finally wished that he was the one who had died. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex curses when he's angry, and really likes dropping the F-bomb.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of short, sorry.

Alex spends the next few days sulking about his conversation with Laurens. The anti-depressants they’d put him on make him even more jittery, but the anti-anxiety medication mostly cancels that out. Both of them make it impossible for him sleep so they also prescribed sleeping pills, the one thing he absolutely refuses to take no matter where his late nights take him. With the anxiety medication now officially in his system he’s able to ride with Burr to school the next Tuesday with a considerably less amount of external freaking out. 

He doesn’t see John that morning at their lockers, and Alex doesn’t have any morning classes with him so he’s not too surprised about not running into him. At lunch Mulligan and Lafayette sit down across Alex.

“You and John been having fun?” Mulligan asks, winking.

“No. I haven’t talked to him since last Wednesday.”

“We thought he was with you.”

“Why would he be with me?”

“Well first of all you’re dating him, and second, you’ve both been out of school since Wednesday, also he’s been ignoring us on the phone. Won’t pick up.”

“What do you mean he won’t pick up?”

“What do you think it means? When we call him the phone rings then goes to voicemail, and he hasn’t replied to any of our texts.” Alex is on his feet in a second, and moving as quickly as he can towards the exit. A freshman pushes past him, causing him to lose his balance. If it hadn’t been for Madison, who catches him as he tumbles down and helps him right himself.

“You ok?”

“Fine.” Jefferson is standing behind Madison and holding 2 trays, his glare focused on Hamilton. Burr is nowhere in sight so he just continues on to the hallway, beeling it for Burr’s locker. He grabs the keys from the top shelf, with little thought as to what he was doing. He had to go to John’s. Had to make sure something hadn’t happened, had to make sure John hadn’t done something. He doesn’t even grab his jacket as he races out into a cool fall air. He’s running across the parking lot as best he can, more limping than actually running. He pulls the door open, and slides in. When he gets the keys in the ignition he’s already shaking, more than ready to text Burr and ask him to just drive him there. Hold it together. He thinks. Just hold it together until you get to John’s. He takes a deep breath, calming his nerves, and puts the car in reverse.

The car rise seems to last forever even though he’s speeding, trying desperately not to think about what he mind find at John’s. He imagines spilled pill bottles in his bedroom and bathtubs filled with blood. He’s all by himself in that big house, his brother dead, parents god knows where. He shouldn’t have yelled at him. Shouldn’t have been mad, John had just been trying to help him. A thousand different things flash in his mind and he passes the intersection where it happened his mind screaming a hundred different things at him. There's a cross that’s been put up by the side of the road and his heart seizes. He can’t breath again, he’s pulling Philip from the car, god there’s so much blood, there were no headlights shining into the car and  then it’s rolling, rollingrollingrollingrolling, he’s upside down, pain everywhere. 

He slams on the brakes and pulls over. His heart is racing and he can’t breathe, can’t think. There’s a picture of a curly haired boy, with a bright smile and the same dimples as he brother tacked to the cross. It feels wrong, it all feels wrong but he breathes deep, and pushes it back. He can’t do this, and he can’t let there be two crosses with pictures of beautiful curly haired boys tacked to them. Alex starts the car back up, not realizing he’d turned it off and continues on. He parks the car in the garage and races up to the door, ringing the doorbell several times and pounding on it, but there is no response. He knows about the key taped to the underside of a window sill and grabs it, unlocking the door and pushing it open as the absolute silence of the house envelopes him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha, guess who's leaving this on a cliffhanger over the weekend cause he's going to convention. I'll be back Sunday so maybe it won't be all weekend. Comments are literally my fuel so like thank you to everyone who's left a comment and you Kudoers, I love you guys too.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOD I WISH I HAD COULD KEEP THIS LOCKED IN A CABINET UNTIL SUNDAY AND LEAVE YOU ALL IN SUSPENSE. But I just finished this chapter and I have no patience, so here you go.

“John!” Alexander shouts as he races through the house. “John!” His bedroom is empty, his laptop closed and on his desk, the only surface that wasn’t cluttered. His clothes were scattered in the room, his hamper overflowing. “John!” He can feel tears threatening to spill over.  He checks the connected bathroom but he isn’t there. He goes to the basement next, checking the library and theater rooms. Christ, John’s parents had the money to live in the lap of luxury but neither paid much attention to their sons…..son. The basement was a bust so he went through the rooms on the main floor, kitchen, parent’s room, guest rooms, living and dining room. Still nothing. He goes back upstairs, rechecks John’s bedroom again. 

He’s about halfway done with the 2nd story rooms and starting to wonder if checking the attic may be an option. His heart is pounding from more than just exertion.

“John! I’m sorry. I was wrong.” He yells for what seems like the hundredth time and his throat is starting to burn, and he knows if he doesn’t find him soon he’s going to break down again. As he’s exiting the study the door to Philip’s room is cracked. He crosses the hall, holding his breath and only barely allowing himself to hope. John’s laying his brother’s bed, a pair of headphones over his ears, he’s lying on his side with his back turned to the door. He finally lets himself breathe as he crosses to the other side of the bed. John’s asleep, his chest rising and falling as he takes in breath, he’s shivering slightly and Alex pulls the folded throw at the end of the bed up and over his sleeping form. The movement causes him to shift, and Alex sits down as gently as he can but John starts to stir, raising his arms to rub his eyes and push off the headphones. He jumps when Alex places a hand on his arm.

“Sorry.” Alex  mutters quickly, and pulls his hand away. John takes on the expression of a kicked puppy, but that disappears as he dissolves into coughing fit, it lasts only  moment and he notices that Alex has pressed his hand to his back and aches to hold the smaller boy that’s sitting next to him. Yet he doesn’t, just keeps his hands to himself. 

“What are you doing here?” His voice nasally and rough.

“Hercules and Lafayette said you hadn’t been in school since..” He pauses, unsure what to call it. “And that you weren't answering your phone, and I thought something might have happened. Thought you might have….” He trails off and feels the tears on his cheeks. “I’m sorry, I understand if you're angry with me. You’re ok, and I’m just going to go home. I hope you feel better.” He starts to stand but John grabs him by the arm.

“Alex, I’m not mad you.” 

“You should be, I..”

“Alex, it’s my fault. I should have asked you before I showed Washington your writing. I should have been the one who was driving.” He pulls him closer so that Alex is standing between his legs. “I’m the one who fucks everything and I’m sorry.”  Alexander just wraps his arms around John.

“You were just trying to do the right thing and I’m sorry I got mad. I was being stupid and selfish and I only came back when I thought I’d lost you.” He presses kisses to John’s forehead, something John usually does to him. “I love you, and you did it because you love me and I threw it in your face. I’m so sorry. You are wonderful and beautiful and I love you more than anything else and I let my pride get in the way of that.” He holds his face in both of his hands. “And I swear to you, I’m never going to let that happen again.” John nods and buries his head in his shirt. 

Alex drags John downstairs and makes him some tea for his throat and listens as John tells him about what had happened.

“So after you left, I went home and couldn’t find my phone. Still can’t find it for that matter. That’s why I haven’t been answering anyone. It started out as just a cold, like really minor but I woke up the next morning feeling like I’d been hit by a bus so I stayed home assuming it was just a 24  hour bug thing. I went to the urgent care place on Saturday and they told me I had bronchitis and that the shit my shrink put me on a couple months back has been discontinued for the last 4 years because essentially it fucks the immune system, so that’s why I’ve been home for over a week.”

“And you didn’t feel the need to let anyone else know this.”

“I assumed if people got worried they’d just come over, or you know, call the landline.”

“You have a landline?” Alex asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah.”

“Grandpa.” He jokes. John can feel the chill starting to come over him again and Alex takes notice of the goosebumps forming and he wraps the blanket around John’s shoulders.

“Thanks.” Alex kisses his temple. “But you don’t…”

“You’ve been taking care of me since I got out of the hospital. It’s my turn to take care of you.” 

“Did you text Burr?”

“Shit.” He grabs his phone and quickly shoots him a text informing him he stole his car.

_ YOU DID WHAT!!! _

_ Burr _

Alex is about to shoot him a response but the phone starts to ring, and Alex chews on his lip, contemplating whether or not answer it until John grabs it and puts it to his ear. Alex can hear Burr yelling through the phone, and John holds it away from his ear for a moment until it dies down. Alex is about to grab the phone and defend himself but John slips out of the room when the kettle goes off. He returns a few minutes later with a wide grin.

“What did you say?” 

“Nothing that wasn’t true. He’s going to get a ride here with Thomas and James so he can drive it home.” 

It’s a few hours after Burr had stopped by, and Alex and John are curled on one of couches in the theater. John is nearly asleep as some dark comedy plays, his head buried in Alex’s neck and lying across his stomach.

“I think I’m going to talk to Washington tomorrow before school. Ask him if the offer still stands.”

“That sounds like a wonderful idea Alex.” He mutters, in response, not even coherent enough to understand Alex's words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD this is the second to last chapter. Now all we have is the epilogue. Also, sequel may be a thing? The outline for that is still in the works but we'll see.


	10. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly NSFW later into this chapter. So I'm bumping up the rating just to be safe.

**10 Months Later**

The cardboard box was grinding into Laurens’ arms as he stepped into the room and dropped the 3 stacked boxes onto the bed. Hercules came in a few moments later, 4 boxes in his arms and finally Lafayette carrying a wide plastic tub with 4 more boxes on top of it. Hercules and Lafayette  had obviously made it into a competition and Mulligan gave the frenchman a glare, to which he responded by sticking out his tongue. Alex arrived a moment later holding a folder full of information as well as the key, all the dorms were open right now, empty and awaiting incoming students.

“Alex, you start unpacking while we get the rest, ok?” Lafayette and Hercules had already disappeared back down the hall, most likely in a race with the other.

“I can unpack later, I’ll help bring stuff up.” John frowns a little, casting a glance at the brace.

“Alex, we’re on the fourth floor….”

“I’ll be fine.” As Alex starts to head out the door a family comes bustling passed him, taking up the whole hallway, the man on the end paying little attention as his arm struck Alex’s chest, forcing him to try to step back. John reaches out but Alex is across the room and he ends up on his butt. The group doesn’t even look back and John shouts down the hall as he crouches down in front of Alex.

“Are you ok?” He pushes the hair out of his face, tucking it behind his ear, he lets his hand rest of Alex’s cheek.

“Yeah, I think so.” John presses a kiss to his forehead.

“Please, just stay here and unpack. There’s a lot of people here like that, they won’t care that you’re a little wobbly on your feet and I don’t want you to get hurt while carrying a heavy box, ok?” Alex huffs.

“Only if you stay up here with me and unpack.”

“Ofcourse.” He takes each of Alex’s hands and pulls him to his feet so that he’s against his chest, close enough to feel his heartbeat beneath the t-shirt.

“I do need to go sign in though.” John had applied for Columbia’s medical program, unlike Alex though, he didn’t need a scholarship. He hadn’t said anything about being accepted until after Alex had his scholarship and acceptance letter in hand. Had Alex not been able to get the scholarship he wouldn’t have said a word, would have followed Alex to any college he went to.

He would done it before, but after the accident Alex had been slightly unstable, and even more self-destructive than usual, he’d punched Jefferson a few weeks after he started regularly attending school again for a flippant comment that by the end of the fight neither of them could even remember. Sure soccer season was over but debate was just starting and if Alex had been a soccer star, John didn’t know how to define what he was in debate. Most of the team would stand on the stage in a huddled circle when they were planning something between arguments and rebuttals, they were going to allow Alex a stool so that he wouldn’t strain his leg, but Alex being Alex had refused to sit and instead climbed on top of it during the middle of the debate, and ended up on his ass with a mild concussion, that almost kept John from letting him return to the club. Of course that wasn’t the last of the stool in debate and shortly after his promise not to stand on it he’d thrown the thing at Jefferson during practice because of another snide comment, thus ended Alex’s stool. He’d lost his crutch privileges as well after threatening an opposing team member with one.

“Promise you’ll come right back up?” Alex’s voice broke through his train of thought.

“That I do.” Alex stretches his neck, and John, taking the cue, leans down so that Alex can kiss him. John’s arm goes around his waist, Alex’s arms are wrapped around his neck, his hands in John’s hair.

“Love you.” He murmurs against John’s lips when he pulled away.

“I love you too.” Alex turned back to the boxes that been set on his bed, and started to move them to the floors so that he could make the bed. He’d brought his comforter from home, but had bought a new set of sheets for the twin sized bed a few weeks ago. He glanced at the manila folder with the school’s logo on it.

Washington had a lot of powerful friends, and had somehow managed to get Alex a nearly no-strings attached college grant for Law majors at Columbia. All Alex had to do was sit down with the man for an interview a little more than 8 months ago and write him an essay about his accident and the traumas that had followed. The essay had been emotion heavy, and emotionally taxing to write, the late nights he stayed up writing and revising it often ending in tears, but John was always no more than a call away. Alex would call him and he always picked up, even in the middle of the night when his voice was groggy and his thoughts were muddled by sleep. He’d arrive moments later, with disposable coffee cups filled with perfectly steeped tea. Nights like that ended with John holding Alex in his bed, wrapping him up in a warm embrace and pressing kisses anywhere he could reach, he’d whisper quiet “I love you”s and Alex never woke up alone, though John was usually woke up first and was running strands of Alex’s dark hair through his fingers when his eyes opened.

Lafayette came racing down the hall and barged into the room, boxes in his arms and gasping for breath.

“I win!” He shouted as Mulligan arrived a second later with his own stack of boxes.

“You suck.” He mumbled, Lafayette chuckled and pulled his friend into a one armed hug.

“Is that all the stuff.” Alex asked.

“One more trip.” Mulligan said, escaping Lafayette’s hold and disappearing back down the hall with Lafayette on his tail. John came back in then, holding his own Manila folder   and using his foot to push the door shut. He set it on the nightstand to the opposite bed and sat down on Alex’s partially made bed, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him in to kiss him.

“John, I’m trying to make the bed.” Alex said against his lips when he finally managed to take a breath.

“And I’m trying to mess it up.” He kissed him again before he could respond and Alex’s mind exploded into fireworks as John pulled his legs up so that they were on either side of him, Alex’s good leg wrapped around his back so that he was pressed even closer. John’s hands slipped under the hem of Alex's t-shirt and tugging it up and over his head, breaking the kiss for just a moment before they were back at it. John pulled Alex all the way onto the bed, and flipped Alex onto his back, he sucked marks onto his throat and neck, small bites making Alex whimper under him. Next off was John’s shirt, Alex nearly ripping off the button as he did so before pushing it off his shoulders and the white t-shirt, he’d worn under it, coming off in record time. Alex’s hands explored the tan skin there. John’s fingers were fumbling with Alex’s belt as he trailed kisses down his stomach. The belt came undone and Alex squirmed slightly as he unbuttoned his jeans. Neither of them noticed the door being open until they heard someone clearing their throat and Alex peered around John to see Lafayette standing in the doorway with a plastic tote and a few boxes. John didn’t even take notice until Alex sat up, grabbing his shirt and John turned to see him.

“Leave the boxes, mon ami.” He said loudly, to whom they assumed was Mulligan.“These two have things to take care of.” He waggled an eyebrow at John and started to head out the door.

“No, we’ll get dressed and go to lunch.” Alex said grabbing John’s clothes and throwing them at him. “You two are leaving for France, and we’re not going to see you anytime soon.” John pulled the white t-shirt back on but left the buttoned shirt bunched up on his bed. “We’ll unpack the rest tonight.” Alex said grabbing John by the arm and dragging him out the door.

“Alex, the keys.” John stopped the door before it closed all the way and grabbed his key and wallet from the nightstand Mulligan dropped the boxes just inside the door and closed it behind him.

“Your fly.” Hercules said pointing at Alexander’s unbuttoned jeans.

Lunch was anything but quiet and everyone had an opinion. Alexander wanted Thai, Lafayette wanted Italian and Mulligan just wanted to stop at a fast food place. Alexander won because John took his side and they outvoted the other suggestions. When they eventually sat down and eat they were all more than happy to share their excitement about starting college. John and Alex at Columbia, Lafayette taking government courses in France and Mulligan going into fashion at a school in France with him. John and Alex had a running bet that by the end of the year Lafayette and Mulligan would finally realize that the pining was mutual. John and Alex split an order of green curry, neither all that hungry and just wanting to spend time with their friends before they left.

Lafayette and Mulligan headed out shortly after lunch, Lafayette kissing both John and Alex on the cheek and saying his farewells before the two other grabbed their backpacks from Mulligan’s car and heading inside. John’s father would be driving his son’s car up in a few days, as he had to catch a flight from the New York airport that afternoon. The coffee pot and electric kettle were the first things they unpacked, they then moved onto making the beds and getting their clothes put into the wardrobes, the rest of their things followed and they folded boxes back up and shoved the flat cardboard between the beds and wall.  

They didn’t bother to even try to sleep in separate beds, when John lay down in his own well into the night Alex had changed into loose pajama pants, leaving the t-shirt on and crawled into bed next to John.

“Burr, Madison and Jefferson are moving in next week.” Alex said, burying his face in John’s shirt.

“You forgot Adams.”

“Which one?”

“Both, but I think Madison’s rooming with Burr rather than Jefferson.”

“That’s probably for the best otherwise the floor would never sleep between their arguments and boisterous sex sessions.”

“You think we’ll keep the building up?” John felt Alex’s hand sliding up his thigh.

“We could try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's the end. I hope you liked it, cause I really liked writing it. Haven't decided on the sequel yet, I'm still running through some ideas though. I am going to go back and do some editing on the first few chapters at some point between now and when/if I post the sequel.


End file.
